Is It Just Me Who Struggles to Believe?

I wanted to share with my blog audience, both known and unknown, a video my church did on our story. It was shown during the Christmas week services, and upwards of 18,000 people saw it. I’ve got to say, that felt a little vulnerable to share our story about Josiah’s autism in front of all of those people, but I felt like if God could use it to connect with others in some way, it was all His. The video was part of the final sermon  in a message series called “Is It Just Me?” This message was called, “Is It Just Me Who Struggles to Believe?” (If you’re really hardcore, you can watch the whole service on video here under show details>Dec. 23.)

Here’s our video excerpt:

The context for our story came toward the end of the service and it talked about how sometimes even when you are a Christ follower and have a strong faith in God, life circumstances can happen. You can get disappointed and disillusioned and begin really questioning–sometimes for the first time in your life–where God is in all of this. I guess it goes back to the age-old question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” Well, the video tells a little bit about our journey.

Through it all, I keep pressing in, asking God questions and going back to His Word. What I think it comes down to is, “Is God honest? Can I believe the promises that he gives to those who love Him? Will I refuse to give up faith until I see the healing and restoration that I’m praying for?” I want to believe that I can, and so at the end of the day, I want to keep pursuing my relationship with Him. I left that church service and drove home in the dark with tears in my eyes, asking God for a “sequel” to my family’s story, directed by a Savior who is in the business of restoring lost things.

I hope our story encourages someone out there. If you’re in a season of questioning, purpose to run to God instead of running away from Him. He can handle your doubts, and He may even surprise you with his goodness and begin to revive your downcast spirit.


15 Responses

  1. Tahni, how do I even begin to say what is in my heart right now? I remember running into you on campus or somewhere and you were excited about this “boy” in your life…not too much later I remember then hearing that you and Joe had gotten engaged and the happiness I felt for you that day. I regretted that I missed your wedding…I regretted that our friendship drifted. I remember hearing that you were going to be a mom, and I remember thinking, what a lucky baby that will be. Tahni, I believe that God placed Josiah with you and Joe because he is one special little man and He knew that Josiah was going to need strong, loving, intelligent, patient and loving servants to care for him. He did very well in choosing the two of you. He has got to be one of the most blessed children in the world–I know that there have been struggles, and there will continue to be, but the love you have for him and for God will carry him, and the two of you through. This video is unreal–you never cease to amaze me, I had chills running down every part of me…these days, that’s quite a few parts! I have always had a special interest in the autism spectrum and wish that I were so lucky to work with little ones like Josiah–and also parents like the two of you.

    I know I am rambling, but I have so much respect for you and Joe that I can’t find the right words–you are so eloquent in your writing and speaking and I just babble on and on and on! I will pray for recovery for Little Josiah…those curls and dimples and beautiful eyes are amazing. Thanks for sharing your lives…thanks for sharing Josiah, and thanks so much for the years of friendship…my love and prayers to you and your family.

    An old friend from home–Kim

  2. Thank you for sharing this. I am constantly reminded that we all need to share our story and give each other words of hope.

  3. I’m at work so I can’t check it out now but I will definitely be looking at it this evening!! 🙂

  4. What a beautiful video. You expressed yourself very well and spoke for a lot of us. Thank you for opening yourself up and sharing your hopes, dreams and fears with us. We all have them.
    I just finished reading a book you might want to read if you haven’t already. It’s called Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robison. The author was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 4o. I appreciated his viewpoint on why certain things were so hard for him to cope with, especially when he was a child.

    Hope to see you at the next Parent’s Mtg. Keep up the fight.

  5. Thanks for sharing your story. It is a beautiful reminder of God’s constant love even when we don’t understand the circumstances that he has placed into our lives.

  6. Thanks everyone for your really sweet words and encouragement.

  7. Tahni and Joe, what’s God’s plan in this? I can’t say for sure but I know it’s marvelous. *This* is your ministry, your calling. 18,000 people (and even countless more online)? You are bringing glory to God and pointing us all toward Him. And He knew you would. He knew you would receive that heartbreaking diagnosis and that you would turn around – in the midst of the pain and struggle – and say “we trust you, God, with our precious boy and we KNOW all things work together for good for those who trust the Lord…”

    Tahni, you are a such a beautiful, strong and wise mother. Thank you for sharing your heart. God is revealing Himself through your family. Thank you so much for this amazing video.

  8. Hello,

    I am so glad I found your blog today. Our little/big dude is now 20. So I can talk to you a little about the future. No you are not the only one who struggles to believe…Of course I don’t know the exact journey God has planned for your family…but after 20 years I can tell you with absolute certainty that God is honest…He will indeed keep his promise. As time goes on you will feel his presence more and more…mostly though the people that will enter your life…Teachers, Therapist, Doctors…and friends.

  9. P.S. I really must add something that you already know…Josiah is ADORABLE! I am a sucker for dimples.

  10. You guys are just all so beautiful. I know it nust be tough to share your story with so much vulnerability – but I also know it is blessing so many people to hear your heart.

    I am believing in the sequel of restoration with you!!


  11. Hi, I found you through Rhema’s Hope and just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story. Your son is beautiful, and your love for him and for God shines through.

    btw I love the story at the beginning – “how about a cooking class? how about starting a family?” lol 🙂

  12. through tears – that was beyond beautiful – honest and open and full of love that jumps out of the screen.

    ‘i can’t see the future but i take comfort in knowing that God can.’

    what an incredible gift i leave here with. thank you.

  13. and from my 7 yr old

    .. ‘mama, that boy’s adorable! awww, look at that face!!!!!’

  14. […] people experience what they call a crisis of faith – a period in which they question their belief in God. A few years ago, I walked through a crisis […]

  15. […] people experience what they call a crisis of faith – a period in which they question their belief in God. A few years ago, I walked through a crisis […]

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